Praise should not be random, exaggerated, or reserved only for major accomplishments. We should praise with intention.
There are many reasons to praise our children—and the people around us. Praise can reinforce healthy behavior, encourage someone who may be struggling, strengthen relationships, and teach us to become more observant, humble, and emotionally available.
The goal is not to flatter people or constantly announce that everything they do is amazing. The goal is to notice what is good, name it honestly, and encourage it to grow.
1. Praise Reinforces the Behavior We Want to See Again
In behavioral science, reinforcement is anything that increases the likelihood that a behavior will happen again. Praise can serve as a form of social reinforcement when it is connected to a specific behavior and matters to the person receiving it.
In Purposeful Parenting Basics: Ground Rules, Consequences, and Rewards, JB Simon writes:
“Behavior that gets reinforced is more likely to happen again.”
When children demonstrate honesty, kindness, responsibility, patience, discipline, or self-control, those moments deserve attention.
Praise them when they tell the truth, especially when the truth is difficult. Praise them when they follow instructions without repeated arguing, keep their hands to themselves while angry, show kindness to a sibling, include someone who feels left out, admit a mistake, complete a responsibility, calm themselves after becoming upset, try again after failing, or make a wise choice when no one appears to be watching.
We often become highly observant when something goes wrong. We notice the shoes left in the hallway, the unfinished homework, the disrespectful tone, and the cup abandoned on the counter as though the kitchen fairy will eventually handle it.
But the good needs attention too.
As JB Simon explains in Purposeful Parenting Basics:
“Specific praise tells the child exactly what behavior to repeat.”
Instead of saying only, “Good job,” state what you noticed:
- “You told the truth even though you thought you might get in trouble.”
- “You were frustrated, but you still used respectful words.”
- “I noticed that you helped your brother without being asked.”
- “You kept working even when the assignment became difficult.”
- “You cleaned up what you used. That was responsible.”
- “You apologized and tried to repair what happened.”
Praise helps children connect their choices with the values we are trying to teach.
When we praise honesty, we strengthen honesty. When we praise self-control, we strengthen self-control. When we praise kindness, responsibility, perseverance, and repair, we communicate that these qualities matter in our home.
2. Praise Because People Need Encouragement
Not every encouraging word needs to be attached to a behavior plan.
Sometimes we praise simply because we want to be encouragers.
People often say, “You never know what a stranger is going through.” That is true—but heads up: you do not always know what the people living in your own home are going through either.
Your child may be dealing with embarrassment, rejection, insecurity, academic pressure, friendship problems, fear, grief, or questions they do not yet know how to express. Your spouse, friend, parent, coworker, or sibling may also be carrying something quietly.
We should not assume that proximity gives us complete access to another person’s internal world.
Children need adults who are willing to become their cheerleaders, sources of encouragement, and places of emotional safety. At the very least, that is what we should be striving to become.
In Connection Before Correction: Building Cooperation Through Quality Time, JB Simon writes:
“Connection is strengthened when we demonstrate love through patience, kind words, encouragement, affection, and a calm, steady presence.”
Praise is one way to communicate:
- I see you.
- I notice your effort.
- Your growth matters.
- Your presence has value.
- You are more than your mistakes.
- You do not have to perform perfectly to be loved.
That does not mean removing boundaries or pretending poor behavior is acceptable. Connection and correction can exist together.
As the same article reminds us:
“Correction may address the behavior in front of you, but connection helps shape the relationship beneath it.”
3. Praise Helps Adults Grow Too
Giving praise is not only beneficial for children. It also changes the adult giving it.
Intentional praise teaches us to slow down and observe.
- What is my child doing well?
- What progress have I ignored because it is not perfect yet?
- Am I giving more attention to mistakes than growth?
- Do the people in my home know what I appreciate about them?
- Am I comfortable expressing positive emotions?
- Do I believe people should “just know” that I love and value them?
Praise can require humility because it means acknowledging another person’s effort, growth, wisdom, or contribution. It can require vulnerability because some adults feel deeply uncomfortable saying, “I am proud of you,” “I appreciate you,” or “You handled that well.”
Perhaps your parents did not praise you. Perhaps affection and encouragement were rare in your home. Perhaps you were raised around criticism, sarcasm, emotional distance, or the belief that children should not be thanked for doing what they were supposed to do.
In The Parent Within the Parent, JB Simon writes:
“Some people are learning the skill while trying to teach the skill.”
You may be learning how to encourage while raising a child who needs encouragement. You may be learning emotional expression while teaching your child to express emotions. You may be building a healthier household culture without having experienced one yourself.
That will feel awkward at first.
Do it anyway.
Praise Must Be Genuine
Children may appear gullible at times, but they can also be remarkably perceptive. They often recognize sarcasm, forced enthusiasm, manipulation, and praise that does not match reality.
Purposeful praise should be genuine, specific, timely, proportionate, and connected to effort, choices, values, or growth. It should be offered without sarcasm or a hidden insult.
Avoid exaggerated statements such as “You are perfect,” “You are the best at everything,” or “Look who finally decided to clean up.”
That last one is not praise. It is criticism wearing a party hat.
Try stating the obvious instead:
- “You put your shoes away.”
- “You remembered without being reminded.”
- “You practiced patience with your sister.”
- “You asked for help instead of giving up.”
- “You handled that disappointment better than you did last time.”
- “You made a mistake and took responsibility.”
Simple praise is still meaningful praise.
Create a Culture of Encouragement
You create the culture of your home.
As the parent and household leader, you help establish what becomes normal. If encouragement feels unfamiliar, begin practicing it until it becomes part of the family’s language.
In Ground Rules: The Peace Plan for Your Home, JB Simon explains:
“Ground rules are not about control. Ground rules are about teaching.”
Praise is also teaching.
It teaches children which values matter. It teaches them how to recognize goodness in themselves and others. It teaches them how encouragement sounds so they can eventually offer it to siblings, friends, classmates, coworkers, partners, and their own children.
You can begin with a simple family goal: Notice and name one positive thing each day.
- “Thank you for being patient.”
- “I appreciate how you helped.”
- “You showed courage today.”
- “You were thoughtful.”
- “I noticed your effort.”
- “You handled that responsibly.”
- “I enjoy spending time with you.”
- “I love the way your mind works.”
- “You made our home better today.”
The words do not need to be extravagant. They need to be sincere.
Use the Praise Bank
The accompanying Praise Bank infographic provides examples for moments when you feel lost, awkward, or unsure of what to say.
Use it as a starting point—not a script that must be recited perfectly.
Choose a sentence. Say it honestly. Be specific when possible.
Ignore the initial awkwardness and lean into the practice. What feels unfamiliar today can become the new normal tomorrow.
Give praise with intention.
Give praise with purpose.
Notice the good you want to grow.
That is all for today.
Be blessed.
— JB Simon
Related Reading
- JB Simon, Purposeful Parenting Basics: Ground Rules, Consequences, and Rewards
- JB Simon, Connection Before Correction: Building Cooperation Through Quality Time
- JB Simon, The Parent Within the Parent
- JB Simon, Ground Rules: The Peace Plan for Your Home
Author’s Note: This article was written by JB Simon and edited with AI-assisted support for grammar, clarity, structure, and flow. The ideas, voice, and professional perspective are the author’s own.
Educational Notice: This article is for general parenting and wellness education. It is not a substitute for individualized mental-health, medical, legal, or crisis support.
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