Establishing Boundaries

What are boundaries?

A boundary is a limit. It is where one thing ends and another begins. (https://www.loveisrespect.org)

The goal for most of us in relationships are to keep things cool and balanced….the basics. Too many times, we sacrifice our sanity and dignity – trying to “control and fix” people and situations. Sacrifices are made on our part to “keep the peace”, including:

  • avoiding heated topics
  • not addressing the elephant in the room
  • disregarding anger and disrespect – reinforcing and agreeing with it with our silence
  • just letting things go in order to keep the peace.

Is the Cost Too High? 3 Things you Sacrifice with poor boundaries:

  1. PEACE – mental clarity and internal peace is everything
  2. SANITY – how much are you stressing, he worrying, angry over situations and people?
  3. STABILITY – We all want our minds to be in a serene state – like the quiet of a small stream or ill boat on a sunny day. It’s difficult to maintain this when we allow choas in and don’t address it.

HOW CAN I CHANGE THE WAYS THINGS ARE? IS IT POSSIBLE TO CHANGE THE WAY MY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN? HOW DO I STAY SANE IN THE MIDST OF MENTAL AND PHYSCIAL CHAOS?

5 WAYS TO MAINTAIN YOUR SANITY:

1. Know your own, personAl TRUTH.

  • Do not allow anyone to make you doubt yourself – doubt is the doorway to unblief. You will doubt yourself then doubt what you know as truth.
  • Listen to your “gut”.
  • Trust your intuition.

2. Do not feel guilty for doing the right thing — next to being sure of yourself, managing your emotions in response to others will prove just as difficult.

  • By standing up for your rights or stating truth, you will OFTEN be put in a compromising position.
How to Create Healthy Boundaries | Go for it quotes, Quotes, Inspirational quotes
  • IT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO SAY NO TO A FAMILY MEMBER OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
    • SPEAKING UP OR REFUSING HELP MAY CAUSE FEELINGS OF GUILT.
    • If you’re dealing with a truly manipulative individual, they will attempt to “emotionally blackmail” you with FOG.
Fog obscures your perspective. It’s impossible to have clarity when you can’t see your way.

F-O-G: Fear, Obligation, Guilt

  • FEAR
    • They will prey on your vulnerabilities and anything painful they know will trigger you.
  • OBLIGATION
    • They will make you feel as if you owe them something.
    • If you try to call them out or disagree, they may say things like:
      • “You don’t really love me.”
      • “Maybe I should just go….[insert threats of suicide, self-harm, and violence]”
      • “All that I do for you and this family and you can’t…..[jnsert demand here]
      • “If you don’t, then I’ll ‘stop loving you’, ‘leave and never come back’, ‘hate you forever’
  • GUILT
    • Guilt is used to confuse and cause self-doubt. Guilt is powerful, be cautious of the hold it can have on you.
    • Knowledge is power. If you are not aware that guilt is being used as a tool, you will either give in immediately or eventually due to self-doubt.

3. Don’t be manipulated when someone gets angry at you for being angry with them.

  • This is victim blaming at it’s best. You may clearly be the victim in a situation, but the script will be flipped and next thing you know, you’re apologizing.
  • No back and forth! Resist the urge to get off topic or be lured into a debate.
    • You have nothing to prove. Let it go.
  • You do not need validation. (It’s unlikely you get it anyway).
    • All people want love, support, appreciation, and validation. It is the innocent desire for this in relationships that gets abused. You are not wrong for desiring love.

4. You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.

  • You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.
  • You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.
  • You are not responsible for other people’s happiness. .

5. Ignore the pressure to avoid uncomfortable conversations and confrontation.

Be assertive.

Don’t just create a great vision board or have positive mental goals. COMMUNICATE your thoughts. No one knows what you’re thinking or will “get your hints”. Follow through with your goals!!

A Recipe for Assertive Behavior | Psychology Today
  • BE ASSERTIVE.
    • Respectfully, communicate your boundaries.
    • Start small.

Setting boundaries is a vital life skill that requires practice, patience, self-reflection, self-love, and self-respect.

Your feelings matter.

Your thoughts are important.

Your emotions are valid.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries.
Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it.
You teach people how to treat you by choosing what you will and won’t accept.”
-Anna Taylor

DO NOT SACRIFICE YOUR INNER PEACE FOR OUTER PEACE.