How to Return to Steadiness When You’re Overwhelmed, Triggered, or Tired

Calm sounds beautiful when life is quiet.

It sounds wise when you are reading about it, teaching it, or giving advice to someone else.

But when your child is yelling, your spouse is distant, your job is draining you, your body is tense, and your mind is running through every possible worst-case scenario, calm can feel impossible.

Not hard.

Impossible.

And that is usually the moment when people start judging themselves.

“I should be better than this.”
“I know better.”
“Why can’t I just calm down?”
“I’m a bad parent.”
“I’m too emotional.”
“I’m about to lose it.”

But here is the truth: sometimes calm feels impossible because your system is overwhelmed.

You are not just “being dramatic.”
You are not just “overreacting.”
You may be dysregulated.

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice, manage, and recover from emotional stress without being completely controlled by it. It does not mean you never get angry, tired, hurt, anxious, or overwhelmed. It means you are learning how to pause, understand what is happening inside of you, and choose a response that matches your values instead of your impulse.

Self-regulation is not the same as self-control or compliance. Shanker explains that self-regulation is about how effectively a person deals with stress and then recovers. When a nervous system is over-stretched, punishing the “lack of discipline” can make the problem worse instead of helping the person return to calm (Shanker, 2013).

This matters in parenting, relationships, work, and everyday life because when we are dysregulated, our judgment, insight, decision-making, and self-control can get thrown off balance. That is when the meltdown starts building.

Not always loudly. Sometimes it starts quietly.

A tight jaw.
Narrowed eyes.
A sharp tone.
Fast thoughts.
Clenched hands.
A body that feels ready to fight, flee, freeze, or shut down.

That is your signal.

Take a moment.

Stop.

It does not matter if it is your kids, your husband, your job, your family, or the fifty-eleven things waiting on you. When calm feels impossible, the first goal is not to fix everything.

The first goal is to pause long enough to notice where you are and where you are headed.

Why Calm Matters

Calm is not about being passive.

Calm is not about letting people do whatever they want.

Calm is not about pretending everything is fine.

Calm gives you access to wisdom.

When children are calmly focused and alert, they are better able to manage emotions, pay attention, ignore distractions, control impulses, understand consequences, consider other people’s thoughts and feelings, and show empathy. Adults need this too. A dysregulated adult cannot consistently guide a dysregulated child into steadiness (Shanker, 2013).

This is why calm matters so much in parenting. Children do not only learn from what we say. They learn from what we model.

If we yell every time we are overwhelmed, we teach yelling as a response to overwhelm.

If we shut down every time conflict happens, we teach avoidance.

If we insult, shame, slam, threaten, or explode, we teach that emotional intensity gives permission to lose control.

But when we pause, breathe, name what is happening, repair when needed, and come back with steadiness, we teach something different.

We teach emotional leadership.

We teach that anger can be managed.

We teach that frustration does not have to become destruction.

We teach that correction can happen without chaos.

Mindful parenting research emphasizes that parents can strengthen parent-child relationships by bringing present-moment awareness, emotional awareness, self-regulation, compassion, and nonjudgmental acceptance into parenting interactions. This does not remove discipline. It helps parents choose discipline from wisdom instead of reaction (Duncan et al., 2009).

1. You May Be Dysregulated

Dysregulation happens when your emotional, mental, or physical system is overwhelmed and struggling to return to balance.

In simple terms: you are not steady.

Your body may be in survival mode. Your thoughts may be racing. Your emotions may be louder than your wisdom. Your mouth may be three seconds away from saying something your steady self would not approve.

This is why the pause matters.

Not because pausing magically fixes everything, but because you cannot choose a new direction until you realize what direction you are already moving in.

Ask: What am I doing right now?

This is the present-moment question.

Not “What did they do?”
Not “Who started it?”
Not “Why is this always happening?”

Ask:

What am I doing?

Am I yelling?
Am I shutting down?
Am I slamming things?
Am I typing a message I should not send?
Am I giving a consequence out of anger?
Am I walking toward the room, mid-step, ready to confront someone?
Am I sitting silently but building a whole courtroom in my head?

Notice your body too.

Are your eyes narrowed?
Is your jaw tight?
Are your shoulders raised?
Are your hands clenched?
Is your breathing shallow?
Is your tone getting sharper?

You cannot move forward with wisdom until you know where you are standing.

Ask: Where am I going?

This is the future-focused question.

If I keep going in this direction, what happens next?

Will I yell?
Will I shame my child?
Will I attack instead of explain?
Will I avoid something that actually needs repair?
Will I punish when I really need to pause?
Will I say something that damages trust?

Ask: What is the next steady step?

Does this moment require correction?
Does this moment require silence?
Does this moment require repair?
Does this moment require walking away for five minutes?
Does this moment require prayer?
Does this moment require saying, “I cannot talk about this well right now, but I will come back”?

The goal is not to fix years of wiring, conditioning, habits, trauma responses, or family patterns in one moment.

We cannot fix every pattern immediately.

But we can start with the pause.

The pause is where change begins.

2. Your Self-Talk May Be Making It Worse

Sometimes the situation is hard.

But sometimes the story we are telling ourselves makes the situation feel even bigger.

Pay attention to the thoughts running through your mind.

Are you telling yourself:

“They are making me mad on purpose.”
“My child is just disrespectful.”
“I’m a bad parent.”
“Nobody listens to me.”
“I always mess everything up.”
“They do not care about me.”
“If I let this slide, I’m weak.”
“I have to handle this right now.”

Those thoughts may feel true in the moment, but feelings are not always facts.

This is where steadiness requires self-talk that is honest but not destructive.

Instead of:

“They’re making me mad on purpose.”

Try:

“I feel angry. I need to understand what is happening before I react.”

Instead of:

“I’m a bad parent.”

Try:

“I am overwhelmed right now, but I can still choose one steady response.”

Instead of:

“They’re disrespectful.”

Try:

“This behavior needs correction, but I do not have to correct it with chaos.”

The words you speak internally matter.

Your self-talk can either pour gasoline on the moment or help create enough space for wisdom to enter.

Mindfulness research connects awareness, observing, describing, nonjudgment, and nonreactivity with emotional regulation. In everyday language, this means we can learn to notice our thoughts and feelings without immediately becoming ruled by them (Duncan et al., 2009).

3. You May Lack Intrapersonal Awareness

Intrapersonal skills are the skills that help you understand yourself.

Your emotions.
Your limits.
Your triggers.
Your needs.
Your patterns.
Your capacity.

In plain language: do you know you?

Do you know when you are about to lose it?

Do you know when your tone is changing?

Do you know when you are correcting from wisdom versus correcting from embarrassment?

Do you know when you can handle a conversation and when you need to walk away first?

This matters because not every situation needs to be handled immediately.

Sometimes we must choose peace.

Peace over immediate consequences for our children.
Peace over addressing something unspoken with another adult.
Peace over proving a point.
Peace over winning the argument.
Peace over having the last word.

That is not fear.

That is not avoidance.

That is wisdom.

There are moments when you do not currently have the emotional ability to handle the situation in a healthy way. If you already feel yourself on the edge, tackle what is doable.

“I am too upset to handle this well right now. I am going to pause, and we will come back to this.”

“This does need to be addressed, but not while I am this angry.”

“I am choosing to calm my body before I correct your behavior.”

That is not weakness.

That is self-leadership.

4. You May Not Know What Calm Feels Like

Some people have been in survival mode so long that calm feels unfamiliar.

Calm may even feel unsafe.

If you grew up around yelling, conflict, emotional distance, chaos, pressure, or constant responsibility, your body may be more familiar with tension than peace.

So when people say, “Just calm down,” it can feel almost insulting.

Because what does calm even feel like?

For some, calm feels like:

Quiet breathing.
Relaxed shoulders.
A softer jaw.
The ability to think before speaking.
Less urgency.
Less pressure to fix everything immediately.
A slower tone.
A body that does not feel like it is bracing for impact.
A mind that can say, “I have choices.”

Calm is not always happiness.

Calm is not pretending nothing is wrong.

Calm is the ability to stay present without being controlled by panic, anger, fear, or shame.

If calm feels unfamiliar, start small.

Notice one calm moment.

A warm drink.
A quiet car ride.
A song that settles you.
A prayer whispered under your breath.
A walk outside.
A clean corner of the room.
A deep breath after crying.
A moment where you did not react the way you usually would.

That counts.

Peace may not come all at once. Sometimes it returns in pieces.

5. You May Be Carrying Too Much Stress

Sometimes the reason calm feels impossible is simple:

You are carrying too much.

Too many demands.
Too many people needing you.
Too many bills.
Too many decisions.
Too many emotional situations.
Too little rest.
Too little support.
Too little space to breathe.

When we are already on edge, there is a higher chance we will go over.

This is where locus of control matters.

Some things are inside your control.
Some things are outside your control.
Some things are your responsibility.
Some things are not yours to carry.

When everything feels urgent, ask:

What can I actually control right now?
What is mine to handle?
What can wait?
What needs help?
What am I carrying that does not belong to me?

Sometimes all you can do is your best.

And sometimes your best is enough.

Not perfect.
Not impressive.
Not pleasing to everybody.

Enough.

There will always be people who benefit from your overextension and feel uncomfortable when you start choosing peace. Let them be uncomfortable.

You are allowed to have limits.

You are allowed to say, “I cannot do that right now.”

You are allowed to protect your peace without apologizing for needing to breathe.

Chill out. Handle what you can. Release what you cannot carry today.

6. Your Self-Care May Be Too Poor to Support Calm

Calm is not only emotional.

It is physical too.

Your body supports your ability to stay steady. Poor sleep, poor nutrition, dehydration, lack of movement, pain, overstimulation, and exhaustion can all affect your ability to regulate emotions.

This is not about being perfect.

This is not about becoming a wellness influencer with a green smoothie and matching yoga set.

This is about basic support for general sanity.

Food matters.
Water matters.
Sleep matters.
Movement matters.
Sunlight matters.
Quiet matters.
Medical care matters.
Rest matters.

Stress can come from many places: biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and even prosocial demands. Children can be affected by noise, lack of sleep, too much screen time, too little movement, emotional strain, cognitive overload, and social pressure. Adults are not immune to those stressors either (Shanker, 2013).

Nutrition can support calm because your body needs fuel to function. Movement helps release stress and supports mood. Even a short walk, stretch, or shake-it-out moment can help your body move some of that tension instead of storing it.

Peace is not only something you think.

Sometimes peace is something you practice with your body.

Take a breath.
Drink the water.
Eat something with actual nutrients.
Step outside.
Stretch your shoulders.
Go to bed earlier when you can.
Move your body without making it punishment.

You cannot neglect your body and expect your emotions to always behave.

7. Calm May Require Repair

Sometimes calm feels impossible because you already know something is off.

You reacted too strongly.
You avoided a hard conversation.
You were too sharp.
You said the thing.
You gave the look.
You shut down.
You made a decision from anger instead of wisdom.

That does not mean shame needs to take over.

It means repair may be required.

Ask:

Is repair needed here?

If yes, keep it simple.

“I was upset, but I should not have spoken that way.”

“I needed to correct the behavior, but I did not handle my tone well.”

“I am going to try that again with more calm.”

“I need a moment, but I will come back and address this.”

Repair helps you return to steadiness without pretending the rupture did not happen.

You do not have to be perfect.

But you do need to be honest.

A Simple Reset: STOP

S — Stop

Pause before you keep moving in the same direction.

T — Take Notice

What am I doing? What is my body doing? What story am I telling myself?

O — Observe the Next Step

Where am I going if I continue like this? What will happen next?

P — Proceed With Wisdom

What action aligns with my values? What response helps me stay steady?

This pause may not solve the whole problem.

But it can keep you from making the moment worse.

And sometimes that is the victory.

Try This

• Take one breath before you answer.
• Unclench your jaw.
• Drop your shoulders.
• Ask, “What am I doing right now?”
• Ask, “Where am I going with this?”
• Say, “I need a minute.”
• Step away before you explode.
• Drink water before you decide everything is hopeless.
• Eat something before calling yourself unstable.
• Lower your voice on purpose.
• Correct the behavior without attacking the person.
• Choose peace over proving your point.
• Repair quickly when you react poorly.
• Pray before you respond.
• Do the next steady thing.

Final Thoughts

Calm is not always easy.

Some days calm feels impossible because you are tired, triggered, overwhelmed, under-supported, overstimulated, or running on fumes.

But even then, you can practice returning.

Return to your breath.
Return to your body.
Return to truth.
Return to wisdom.
Return to one small step.

You do not have to fix everything immediately.

Pause.
Notice.
Choose what is doable.
Take care of your body.
Watch your self-talk.
Model what you want to teach.
Repair when needed.
Protect your peace.

Find peace.

Be blessed.

— JB Simon

References

Duncan, L. G., Coatsworth, J. D., & Greenberg, M. T. (2009). A model of mindful parenting: Implications for parent–child relationships and prevention research. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 12, 255–270. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-009-0046-3

Shanker, S. G. (2013). Calm, alert and happy: What is self-regulation? York University. Queen’s Printer for Ontario.

A Holistic Wellness Perspective on Faith, Body, and Mind

There are many theories, models, and wellness frameworks available today. I encourage people to learn from research, evidence-based practices, and legitimate sources of knowledge. We should be thoughtful about what we believe, what we practice, and what we teach.

With that being said, the Cycle of Steadiness Framework is my own personal perspective. It is shaped by my life experience, my faith, my education, and the knowledge I have gained over time.

This framework is my way of explaining how balance is built.

The Cycle of Steadiness is a holistic wellness perspective that recognizes the connection between the spiritual self, the physical self, and the mental and emotional self. These parts of us are not separate. They influence one another. They build on one another. They move together in cycles, much like natural rhythms and moon phases.

For me, lasting wellness begins with spiritual foundation, grows through physical care, and flourishes through mental and emotional steadiness.

Phase One: Foundation — Spiritual Wellness

The foundation of the Cycle of Steadiness is spiritual wellness.

I understand that this may not be everyone’s perspective. Not everyone views wellness through a spiritual or biblical lens. However, for me, my walk with God and biblical teaching have been the foundation that kept me steady when everything else in life felt chaotic.

Spiritual wellness shapes the way I see life.

It filters my values, morals, decisions, relationships, and behaviors. Through Scripture, we find direction for how to live, how to treat others, how to care for our bodies, what to meditate on, and how to guard our minds.

Spiritual wellness includes:

• Faith
• Purpose
• Values
• Identity
• Prayer
• Scripture
• Connection to God
• Moral direction
• Meaning and hope

When life feels unstable, spiritual grounding gives us something firm to return to. It reminds us who we are, what matters, and where our help comes from.

For me, spirituality is not simply one part of wellness. It is the base that supports everything else.

Where the Spiritual and Physical Connect

As we look deeper into spiritual practices, we often see how closely they connect with the body.

Prayer, meditation, worship, stillness, gratitude, and time spent with God can have a calming effect on the body and mind. Many people are interested in the science of meditation, nervous system regulation, grounding, and how time outdoors can affect our well-being.

I find this fascinating.

There is something powerful about slowing down, breathing deeply, walking outside, sitting in quiet, and becoming aware of the present moment. Whether someone describes that through faith, science, mindfulness, or nervous system health, the connection is worth noticing.

Spiritual practices do not only shape what we believe. They can also influence how we feel, how we respond to stress, and how we carry ourselves through difficult seasons.

Phase Two: Growth — Physical Wellness

The second phase of the Cycle of Steadiness is physical wellness.

Our bodies matter. We cannot ignore the physical self and expect to feel balanced. The way we sleep, eat, move, rest, and care for our health affects our ability to function emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially.

Physical wellness includes:

• Sleep
• Nutrition
• Movement
• Medical care
• Preventive health
• Hygiene
• Self-care
• Stress regulation
• Nervous system health
• Daily routines

Physical care is not about vanity. It is stewardship.

It is about having the strength, energy, and stability to live well. It is about caring for the body we have been given.

It is also important to do real research. Mainstream media does not always give us the full picture. Sometimes wisdom comes from opening a book, reading scholarly sources, learning from professionals, and listening to the elders who have lived through things we have only studied.

Nutrition is important, but movement is also one of the most practical ways we care for our health. Movement does not have to look the same for everyone. Some people enjoy dancing. Some enjoy walking. Some enjoy running. Some enjoy stretching. Some enjoy gardening, sports, yoga, or simple daily movement.

The point is not perfection.

The point is to move.

When we care for our physical health, we create better conditions for resilience, growth, and steadiness.

Phase Three: Flourishing — Mental and Emotional Wellness

At the top of the framework is mental and emotional wellness.

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, cope, relate to others, make decisions, and interact with the reality around us.

Mental and emotional wellness includes:

• Emotional awareness
• Coping skills
• Clear thinking
• Healthy relationships
• Self-reflection
• Positive self-talk
• Good decision-making
• Resilience
• Peace
• Joy
• Purposeful action
• Alignment with values

When mental health is functioning well, we are better able to handle stress, recognize our capacity, work toward our potential, contribute to our communities, and maintain supportive relationships.

In simple terms, mental health affects how we cope, thrive, and interact with the world around us.

I have found that when my spiritual health and physical health are supported, my mental and emotional health functions better. That does not mean everything becomes easy. It does not mean struggles disappear. It means I have a stronger foundation to return to when life becomes difficult.

Good mental health takes time to develop. For many of us, it takes most of our lives to learn emotional skills, develop self-awareness, care for ourselves, and build healthy relationships.

Mental wellness is not just about feeling happy. It is about learning how to live with clarity, wisdom, emotional regulation, and actions that align with our values.

Why It Is a Cycle

The Cycle of Steadiness is not a straight line.

It is a cycle because spiritual, physical, and mental wellness constantly influence one another.

When our spiritual life is neglected, we may feel disconnected from purpose.

When our physical health is neglected, our emotions and thoughts may become harder to manage.

When our mental health is struggling, it may become harder to pray, move, rest, connect, or care for ourselves.

Everything is connected.

That is why this framework moves in a cycle. We return again and again to the same areas of wellness, growing deeper each time. Like moon phases, there are seasons of darkness, growth, fullness, and renewal. There are times when we feel rooted, times when we are growing, and times when we are flourishing.

And then life shifts, and we begin again.

That does not mean failure.

That means we are human.

Wellness is not about reaching a perfect state and staying there forever. Wellness is the ongoing practice of returning to steadiness.

The Heart of the Framework

The Cycle of Steadiness is built on this belief:

True wellness is built from the inside out.

We begin with foundation. We grow through care and discipline. We flourish through emotional awareness, clear thinking, healthy relationships, and purposeful living.

The three phases are:

Foundation — Spiritual Wellness
Faith, purpose, values, identity, and connection to God.

Growth — Physical Wellness
Sleep, nutrition, movement, preventive care, hygiene, stress regulation, and daily habits.

Flourishing — Mental and Emotional Wellness
Reflection, emotional awareness, resilience, peace, joy, clear thinking, and value-aligned living.

We need all three.

They build on one another.

They intertwine.

They help us return to steadiness.

Final Thoughts

This is my concept of holistic wellness. It is not meant to replace research, therapy, medical care, spiritual guidance, or evidence-based practices. Instead, it is a personal framework for understanding how different parts of our lives work together.

In future articles, I plan to go deeper into each part of the Cycle of Steadiness: spiritual wellness, physical wellness, and mental and emotional wellness.

For today, this is the overview.

Take care of your spirit.
Take care of your body.
Take care of your mind.

Return to steadiness.

I hope all is well.

Be blessed.

–JB

Finding Balance Between Emotion and Logic

Life requires balance. We need emotion, but we cannot allow emotion to rule every decision. We need logic, but we cannot allow logic to become cold, rigid, or disconnected from the people around us.

The goal is not to become emotionless. The goal is not to become purely rational. The goal is to become steady.

The Steady Self Model is a way of understanding how we make decisions, respond to stress, and move through life with more wisdom and intention. It teaches that steadiness stands between two inner states: the Reactive Self and the Rational Self.

The Reactive Self is driven mainly by emotion.

The Rational Self is driven mainly by logic.

The Steady Self seeks balance, wisdom, faith, values, and clarity.

The Reactive Self

The Reactive Self is the part of us that responds quickly, emotionally, and sometimes impulsively.

This part of us may show up when we feel hurt, disrespected, rejected, overwhelmed, afraid, angry, or misunderstood. The Reactive Self is not always bad. Emotions are necessary. They give us information. They help us connect with others. They allow us to love, grieve, protect, celebrate, empathize, and build meaningful relationships.

Emotion is required in our relationships with spouses, parents, children, friends, and community. We are not meant to ignore feelings. We are not meant to dismiss sadness, anger, fear, joy, disappointment, or excitement. Emotions are part of being human.

However, emotions cannot be the ruler of every decision.

When emotion takes complete control, we may say things we do not mean, make choices we later regret, shut down, lash out, assume the worst, or act from fear instead of wisdom.

The Reactive Self says:

“I feel this, so it must be true.”

“I am upset, so I must act now.”

“I am hurt, so I must protect myself at any cost.”

“I am overwhelmed, so I cannot think clearly.”

Emotion matters, but emotion needs guidance.

The Rational Self

The Rational Self is the part of us that values logic, facts, planning, structure, and reason.

This part can be very helpful. Logic gives us direction. It helps us make decisions, solve problems, manage money, create routines, set boundaries, and think beyond the emotions of the moment.

Logic can bring steadiness when life feels chaotic.

However, logic also has limits.

If we rely only on logic, we may dismiss feelings that deserve attention. We may ignore the emotional needs of others. We may become too rigid, too detached, or too focused on being “right” instead of being connected.

This can be especially harmful in relationships.

People are not math problems. Families are not spreadsheets. Love does not always fit neatly into a checklist. Sometimes we must allow the feelings of others to influence our decisions. Their emotions may not dictate every choice, but they should be considered.

The Rational Self says:

“This makes sense, so it must be right.”

“Feelings are not important.”

“I made the logical choice, so no one should be upset.”

“I do not need to explain myself because the facts are clear.”

Logic matters, but logic needs compassion.

The Steady Self

The Steady Self stands between emotion and logic.

The Steady Self does not reject emotion. It listens to emotion.

The Steady Self does not reject logic. It uses logic.

But the Steady Self allows neither one to rule alone.

The Steady Self asks:

“Am I making this decision in balance?”

“Am I responding from wisdom or from reaction?”

“Am I considering both facts and feelings?”

“Is this choice aligned with my values?”

“Does this decision reflect the person I am trying to become?”

This is the goal of steadiness. It is not perfection. It is the ongoing practice of pausing, reflecting, and choosing with intention.

Why Steadiness Matters

The Steady Self can be used in many areas of life.

In relationships, it helps us communicate without attacking, listen without shutting down, and set boundaries without becoming cruel.

In parenting, it helps us correct behavior without reacting from anger or embarrassment.

In finances, it helps us avoid impulsive decisions while still making room for needs, values, and long-term goals.

In work, it helps us handle pressure without becoming overwhelmed or disconnected.

In spiritual life, it helps us respond with faith instead of fear.

Most of us naturally lean one way or the other. Some people lean more emotional. Others lean more logical. Personally, based on my own personality and tendencies, I often lean more toward logic. I have to remind myself to consider the emotional side of things. How do other people feel? How do I feel? What is happening beneath the surface?

Seeking balance requires reflection.

It requires humility.

It requires self-monitoring.

Self-monitoring can go a long way. We cannot always control what we feel, but we can learn to notice what is happening within us before we act. We can pause before responding. We can ask better questions. We can choose steadiness, even when it is difficult.

A Simple Steady Self Check-In

Before making a decision or responding in a difficult moment, ask yourself:

1. What am I feeling right now?
2. What are the facts?
3. What do my values say?
4. Who could be impacted by my response?
5. Am I reacting, overthinking, or responding with steadiness?
6. What choice helps me remain calm, balanced, and aligned?

This does not mean every decision will be easy. Steadiness is often difficult to reach and even harder to maintain. But it is worth practicing.

The Steady Self reminds us that we do not have to be controlled by every feeling, and we do not have to hide behind logic. We can be thoughtful and compassionate. We can be wise and emotionally aware. We can be firm and loving. We can be calm without being cold.

Final Thoughts

The Steady Self Model encourages us to move through life with balance.

Emotion is necessary.

Logic is necessary.

But steadiness is the goal.

As you continue growing, I encourage you to seek steadiness in your relationships, your finances, your parenting, your work, your faith, and your personal decisions.

Ask yourself often:

“Am I choosing from my Steady Self?”

Be calm.
Be balanced.
Stay steady.

JB Simon
Wellness & Resilience Educator
Creator of the Cycle of Steadiness Framework

A very common struggle that many people experience—but rarely talk about—is hygiene.
The lack of it does not automatically mean someone is lazy, nasty, or does not care. Often, it is a sign of something much deeper. Sometimes it is overwhelm. Sometimes it is apathy. Sometimes it is depression. Sometimes it is a battle with feelings of unworthiness.

This article is a combination of advocacy and education.
If this is something you struggle with, it needs to be addressed. It is not a small issue to ignore, hide, or pretend does not exist. As you begin changing your habits, you may discover that your feelings about yourself—and your confidence in your ability to overcome challenges—begin to change as well.

The Thinking Traps
Before we discuss hygiene, we need to discuss thinking.
There are three common thinking traps that can quietly undermine self-care:

1. Polarized Thinking
Everything does not have to be perfect to proceed.
Every task does not have to be completed perfectly. Every product does not have to be finished before it has value.
Many people disguise perfectionism as preparation.
They tell themselves they are “getting ready” when really they are avoiding action because they fear things will not be perfect. They do not want to try unless success is guaranteed.
But life does not work that way.
Progress is built through imperfect effort.

2. Mental Filtering
Mental filtering happens when we focus only on the negative.
Sometimes it means seeing the worst in every situation. Other times it means refusing to acknowledge the good.
Personally, I consider myself an optimistic realist.
I do not pretend life is all sunshine and rainbows. Difficult things happen. People can be disappointing. The world can be unfair.
However, it is important to acknowledge our victories. It is important to review what we are grateful for and intentionally adjust our perspective.
Our brains naturally pay attention to threats, problems, and negativity. Add genetics, life experiences, stress, and difficult circumstances, and it becomes easy to overlook what is going right.
The danger comes when that mental filter turns inward.
When we stop seeing our own strengths.
When we stop recognizing our abilities.
When we stop believing we can manage our lives.
That is when things become disabling.
Who cares about showering?
Who cares about cleaning?
Who cares about taking care of themselves?
If you believe you cannot manage your life anyway, those thoughts can quickly spiral and undermine every positive thing you are trying to build.

3. Personalization
Personalization is lonely.
It is the feeling that you do not belong.
The belief that you are somehow different, disconnected, or unlikable.
It is overreading every comment.
Overthinking every interaction.
Analyzing every glance.
Taking every silence personally.
While accountability is important, personalization distorts reality.
It creates cracks in our armor that prevent us from connecting with others. It keeps us from accurately viewing our relationships, our place in the world, and the value we bring to it.
That loneliness compounds.
It feeds self-doubt.
It feeds feelings of unworthiness.
Eventually, it affects how we care for ourselves.
If you are not going anywhere…
If nobody is coming over…
If nobody is going to say anything…
Then why bother?
If you do not have the energy to do it in the first place, why try?
You can see how quickly those thoughts spiral.
We must challenge our thinking.
We must balance our perspective.
We must learn to see ourselves, our lives, and our relationships more accurately.
And we must remember that there are people who love us and people who may support us—if we give them the opportunity.

The Practical Part: Wash in 5

Now for the practical advice.
Do something.
I do not care if it takes five minutes.
Do something.
Wash your face.
Take a quick shower.
Do a sink bath.
Hit the hotspots.
Brush your teeth.
Use mouthwash.
Change your shirt.
Put on deodorant.
Do something.
This is not about perfection.
It is not even about completing every task.
It is about effort.
Effort builds skills.
Skills build habits.
Habits build confidence.
And confidence builds momentum.
The more often you engage in self-care, the easier it becomes.
You may even begin to enjoy it.
Aromatherapy can be comforting.
Hot water can feel healing.
Cold water can reset an overwhelmed nervous system.
Hygiene is only the surface layer of self-care—literally.
For many people, the struggle runs much deeper.
But caring for yourself can become a form of healing, comfort, and coping.
Stop Waiting
Stop waiting for the perfect mood.
Stop waiting until you feel motivated.
Stop waiting until you have the energy.
Stop waiting until life settles down.
Get up.
Wash in five.
Do something.
Then tomorrow, do something again.
Your body deserves care and love.
You are worth the effort.
And sometimes resilience starts with something as simple as washing your face.
Boom.
Done.
You’re welcome.

Author’s Note: This article is intended for educational purposes and is not a substitute for professional mental health treatment. If depression, hopelessness, or difficulties with self-care are significantly affecting your daily functioning, please seek support from a qualified healthcare professional.

Unleashing Your Creative Potential

Hello dear reader! Thank you for returning and continuing your journey with me! Today, we will explore the concept of FLOW .

FLOW

Specifically, we will delve into the world of painting as an illustrative activity to showcase the state of flow and discuss how engaging in art can foster a sense of complete absorption, focus, and enjoyment. So let’s dive in and discover how you can tap into your creative flow!

Flow, as defined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is a state in which individuals become so deeply involved in an activity that everything else fades away (Csikszentmihalyi et al., 2005). It’s a state of complete immersion, where time seems to fly by and the experience itself becomes incredibly enjoyable (Peterson, 2006). When you enter the flow state, you are driven by the sheer pleasure of the activity, willing to invest great effort and even endure challenges for the sake of doing it.

Engaging in artistic pursuits, such as painting, offers a fantastic opportunity to experience flow and tap into their innate creativity (Csikszentmihalyi et al., 2005). When you pick up a paintbrush and immerse yourself in the act of painting, you enter a world where self-expression and exploration collide.

Painting allows you to create something unique and separate yourself from others. It’s an act of differentiation, where you can express your individuality and showcase your perspective. As you develop your skills and overcome artistic challenges, you’ll witness your self-confidence grow, leaving you in awe of your own capabilities.

Moreover, painting provides a medium for integrating with the world around you. Through art, you can connect with people, ideas, and entities beyond yourself. Whether it’s sharing your artwork with others or drawing inspiration from different sources, painting opens doors to new perspectives and enriches your creative journey.

Now, let’s discuss how you can experience flow through painting and other creative outlets. Here are some tips and techniques to help you tap into your creative potential and enter the state of flow:

Set Clear Goals! Before you start, making a goal will provide you with a sense of direction and guide you through the creative process. It’s not a square to block creativity, ….. more like a circle.

IMMERSION IS KEY (Csikszentmihalyi et al., 2005)!! Once you make a goal, immerse yourself in your work. Find a quiet space and time for your artistic practice, free from distractions. Let go of everything going on around you. It may take a moment, but be patient with yourself.

STAY PRESENT. Focus. Concentrate. Pay attention to the feel of the brush in your hand, the vibrancy or darkness of the color you chose, and even how hard or soft you press the brush on the canvas (or paper). Your connection with the creative process deepens into FLOW as you let the peace of the moment wash over you.

LET JOY FLOW. Art is not about perfection or the end product. It’s about the journey. The goal of the activity is not to be Picasso, but to relax, express, and enjoy the moment. In time, your artwork will improve, but more importantly, so will your ability to let go and enjoy your overall well-being (Csikszentmihalyi et al., 2005).

FLOW may be the key that unlocks your creative In conclusion, painting and other creative outlets provide a gateway to experiencing the state of flow and unlocking your creative potential. Now, get your paint, brush, and take a break.

RELAX.

TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

DIVE IN.

Stay tuned for the next episode of our blog series, where we will explore practical techniques for incorporating positive psychology principles into your daily life. Until then, keep pursuing goals, glowing, and growing!

Be good to yourself.

REFERENCES

Csikszentmihalyi, M., Abuhamdeh, S., & Nakamura, J. (2005). Flow. Handbook of competence and motivation, 598-608.

Peterson, C. (2006). A Primer in positive psychology. Oxford University Press.

Nurturing Growth, Cultivating Dreams

Welcome back fam! Today, we’re getting into the importance of goal setting in achieving personal growth and success. We’ll use the metaphor of gardening to explain the process of setting and nurturing goals. We’ll continue discussing flow and the important role it plays in goal attainment. I provided a fun goal-setting activity to help you set and track your goals effectively. So let’s dive into the art of blooming!

Just like a garden, we thrive in environments that meet our needs. We grow when we set higher standards for ourselves, …..personal expectations. GOALS.

Goals give us guidance, direction, and motivation (Whitehead et al., 2020). In a world of chaos and distractions, goals keep us grounded to our intentions. They give us something to strive for.

My father is a gardener. He’s done it his whole life and so has his father. Picture yourself with a shovel and a pack of seeds. Your goals are the seeds you decide to plant. Plants need love, attention, and time.

Where do you want to see change? In your career, hobbies, health, and self-development? CHOOSE YOUR SEEDS.<<<<<<

Fight for clarity. Vision requires clarity. Why is it important. Be SMART. Make sure your goals are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (Latham, 2020). BE INTENTIONAL. <<<<<<<

LOVE. ATTENTION. TIME. A plant is a living thing that has basic needs similar to ours. What’s the point of a goal if it is not inspired by passion? How will it survive without you attending to it? How will you see change without investing time and waiting patiently? LOVE. ATTENTION. TIME.

Goals and gardens take time. Be patient. Every flower will not grow alike. Just so, you are on your own unique journey, when and how you bloom will be according to your time. Time. In the words of the great Robert Jordan, “The wheel weaves as the wheel wills.” Stay the course. Be steadfast. Reaching your goals requires patience, persistence, determination, and resilience (Whitehead, 2020). Embrace setbacks and challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. Stay committed to your goals, and if you encounter obstacles, find alternative paths or adjust your strategies while staying true to your vision. BE PERSISTENT.

FLOW

Flow is a state of absolute focus and immersion as an activity is enjoyed (Peterson, 2006). Set goals that may challenge you. Take part in activities you’re good at as well as activities that will require you to learn new skills. Seek out activities that you enjoy and can meet your goals simultaneously. Yes, it’s possible. Don’t just read about it, try to experience flow. With renewed energy and mental clarity, you will better be able to pursue your goals.

A vision board is a visual illustration of goals and dreams you have.

Let’s think of goals as seeds we plant and nurture, just like a garden. Creating a vision board is like tending to those seeds—it helps us clearly see our goals and makes the journey toward achieving them even better. A vision board acts as a visual representation of our aspirations, providing clarity and focus.

To reach a state of flow through a vision board, we need to engage in a creative and immersive process. By carefully selecting words, phrases, colors, and images that resonate with our desires and ambitions, we tap into our inner creativity and ignite our passion. As we curate the board, arranging and pasting elements, we become fully absorbed in the activity, achieving a state of flow. The process of envisioning our goals and creating a tangible representation of them on the board aligns our thoughts, emotions, and actions, allowing us to channel our energy into pursuing those goals with a heightened sense of purpose and motivation.

Creating a vision board is a straightforward process that encourages artistic expression and personalization. Here are some basic instructions to get started:

1. Set aside time: Dedicate a specific time and space for creating your vision board. Find a quiet and comfortable environment where you can focus without distractions.
2. Gather materials: Collect magazines, newspapers, or printed images, along with scissors, glue or tape, markers or pens, and a poster or cardstock to serve as the base for your board.
3. Reflect on your goals: Take a moment to reflect on the areas of your life where you want to see change or growth. Consider your aspirations for your career, hobbies, health, relationships, and self-development.
4. Select and arrange visuals: Start flipping through the magazines or printed materials and cut out words, phrases, and images that resonate with your goals. Arrange them on the poster or cardstock in a way that feels visually appealing and meaningful to you.
5. Add personal touches: Use markers or pens to write affirmations, quotes, or personal reflections on the board. Incorporate colors that inspire and motivate you.
6. Display and revisit: Once you have finished creating your vision board, place it in a prominent location where you can see it every day. Take a few moments each day to connect with the visuals and reaffirm your commitment to your goals.

In conclusion, like a garden that requires love, attention, and time to flourish, our goals demand the same level of care and dedication. By creating a vision board, we clarify our aspirations and strengthen our connection to them. As we regularly revisit and update our vision boards, we remind ourselves of the importance of nurturing our goals. Celebrating milestones along the way allows us to acknowledge our progress and maintain a positive mindset. With love, attention, and time invested in our goals, we empower ourselves to embrace the journey and unlock our full potential for personal growth and success.

It’s super easy. Combine words to make a phrase, use colors you vibe with, and paste positive quotes on a small poster or cardstock. Personally, I love using magazine clippings for words and pictures. It’s all a matter of artistic expression. Maybe it’s a puzzle peace to others, but for you it’s a beacon of hope.

You’ve done it right if you look at it and feel a renewed sense of purpose and motivation.

Disclaimer: Just like sushi is not for everybody, art therapy may not be your thing. However, give it a try and see how it works out.

Remember, like a garden needs LOVE, ATTENTION, AND TIME, your goals require frequent revision, updating, and celebrating. It’s not supposed to be a burden, but a boost!

Join me again soon as we learn about the power of positive affirmations. Until then, keep those goals growing!

Be well!

This blog post was written with the assistance of AI.

REFERENCES

OpenAI. (2021). ChatGPT [Computer software]. Retrieved from https://openai.com/

Latham, G. (2020). Goal setting: A five-step approach to behavior change. In Organizational collaboration (pp. 10-20). Routledge.

Peterson, C. (2006). A Primer in positive psychology. Oxford University Press.

Whitehead, L., Glass, C. C., Abel, S. L., Sharp, K., & Coppell, K. J. (2020). Exploring the role of goal setting in weight loss for adults recently diagnosed with pre-diabetes. BMC nursing, 19(1), 1-7.

Unleash and Unwind

The series is winding down. Today, we’re diving into the world of dance. A pure state of joy and flow is truly possible if you know how to just let go!

Find your flow on the dance floor!

We’ve all caught ourselves in a moment where we were fully immersed in activity…. whether it’s painting, gaming, or reading…. and time just seemed to fly by. Well, friend, that is what positive psychologists call “flow”.

Flow is being completely focused, immersed, and absorbed by what you’re doing (Mehta, 2018).

In a previous post, we discussed how to use paint to achieve a “flow” state. Another activity that can be used as a tool to achieve flow is dancing. Whether you’re doing the Cha Cha Slide or you’re in a dance exercise class, you’re moving and grooving, possibly tapping into your inner flow.

If you’re like me and you love dance exercise, a good workout and a fun beat may be what you need to “chill”. For me, it started with Zumba. I fell in love with the energy, movement, and freedom. It was great for fitness because I enjoyed it so much that I never noticed how long or hard we worked out. When I learned to relax and stop thinking about everything happening after class, the moves just flowed. According to Hefferon and Ollis (2007), optimal performance can be reached when the psychological state of flow is reached. The mind and body ‘just click’ (Hefferon and Ollis, 2007). There are plenty of ways to start if you have no idea how!

Line Dance at the next family get-together. At the next party, work up the nerve and get on the dance floor! Click with some random strangers or connect in a new way with your kids, family, or friends. Enjoy your life.

When my son was a toddler, we used to have dance parties. I would dim the lights, blast some EDM/dance music, and we would just enjoy jumping around and laughing. I confess, I no longer do this. During those times, however, I never felt freer. I don’t know why we stopped. I think a good lesson to teach and be an example of is you’re never too old to LET GO!

Find music and choreography you are comfortable with. Flow is increased in intensity and frequency when the dancer vibes with the music and movement (Hefferon and Ollis, 2007).

There are many benefits of the “flow” state. Dancers experience enjoyment, confidence in skill and ability, and increased focus and concentration (Hefferon and Ollis, 2007).

When was the last time you did something that combined flow and dance? Do it alone or with your kids… blast some music and rock out! Another option is to choose classical or solo piano to listen to, dance, and get lost in.

1. WARM UP.
2. DANCE.
3. REFLECT & REJOICE!

Dance is a great tool that allows us to express joy, release stress, and find a sense of flow. It doesn’t matter what you do, have fun and get to moving!

Much love,

REFERENCES

Hefferon, K. M., & Ollis, S. (2006). ‘Just clicks’: an interpretive phenomenological analysis of professional dancers’ experience of flow. Research in Dance Education, 7(2), 141-159.

Mehta, A. (2018). Flow and dance/movement therapy: theoretical links. International Journal of Research in Social Sciences and Humanities, 8(3), 123-127.

Peterson, C. (2006). A Primer in positive psychology. Oxford University Press.

The Magic of Meditation

Welcome back, dear reader! Today, we are seeking peace. Keyword today: Stillness. Put on your floaties! We are diving even deeper into the topic of flow.

What is meditation?

Slade (2010) defines meditation as “a family of techniques which have in common a conscious attempt to focus attention in a non-analytical way, and an attempt not to dwell on discursive, ruminative thought“

There are many forms of meditation including:

Meditation comes in various forms, each with its own unique benefits and techniques. Here are some popular examples of meditation practices:

1. Mindfulness Meditation: This involves focusing your attention on the present moment, and observing your thoughts and sensations without judgment. You can practice this by focusing on your breath, and body sensations, or simply being aware of your surroundings.

2. Loving-Kindness Meditation: Also known as Metta Meditation, it involves cultivating feelings of love, kindness, and compassion towards oneself and others. You can repeat positive affirmations or visualize sending loving energy to yourself, loved ones, and even strangers.

3. Transcendental Meditation (TM): TM is a technique where you silently repeat a mantra, which is a specific word, sound, or phrase, to help quiet the mind and access a state of deep relaxation and inner calm. It’s more effective if it’s true and personal.

   • I am at peace.

4. Guided Visualization: This type of meditation involves creating vivid mental images to evoke relaxation, improve focus, or manifest specific goals. You can listen to recorded visualizations or follow a guided meditation that takes you through a peaceful scene or imaginary journey.

5. Loving-Kindness Meditation: This practice involves cultivating feelings of love, kindness, and compassion towards oneself and others. It typically includes silently repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease” while extending those wishes to others.

Remember, there are numerous meditation techniques available, and it’s best to explore different styles to find the one that resonates with you and aligns with your goals.

Why meditate you ask? Well, there are many benefits:

1. Self-Awareness
2. Increased Insight
3. Aligns values and self
4. Stress reduction
5. Emotional Well-being

Be still and visualize a river….. slow, calm, and gentle. Imagine meditation as a gentle river that carries you into a state of profound presence and inner calm.

Flow and meditation share a profound connection on the path of spiritual growth. Both practices invite you to surrender to the present moment, immersing yourself fully in the experience at hand. As you enter the flow state through meditation, time dissolves, and a sense of unity and interconnectedness emerges. The combination of flow and meditation can lead to a heightened spiritual awareness, a deeper connection to the universe, and a profound sense of purpose. Be patient with yourself and observe your breath.

May your meditation practice lead you to peace and joy. Embrace the flow of stillness and let the magic of meditation illuminate your path!

Sincerely yours,

REFERENCES

Peterson, C. (2006). A Primer in positive psychology. Oxford University Press.

Slade, M. (2010). Mental illness and well-being: the central importance of positive psychology and recovery approaches. BMC health services research, 10(1), 1-14.